


I'm dying, Howard!

by T0k1w4rt00th



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: But mostly fluff, Fluff, M/M, Vince Is An Idiot, a tiny bit of angst, death mention, naboo is also an idiot, no one dies tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:08:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27846602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/T0k1w4rt00th/pseuds/T0k1w4rt00th
Summary: Naboo convinces Vince he's dying. Vince is an idiot.
Relationships: Howard Moon & Vince Noir, Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	I'm dying, Howard!

Vince had had flings before. Plenty of them. When a Camden dollybird batted her eyelashes from across the bar, or a pretty glamour boy offered him a drink, he was usually theirs within less than a couple of hours.   
But Vince had never been in love before. Not once. He'd had relationships before, but most of them had lasted a week or less, mostly because agreeing to date whoever was offering was usually a drunken decision made at three in the morning. He'd sober up the next day and avoid texting or calling the person until he just broke it off. He had never been in love, and he was fine with that. He didn't fall in love with people, people fell in love with him.  
Vince had never understood the hype around being in love, anyway. The butterflies, the nervousness, the dates, they all seemed wildly uninteresting compared to the parties he went to every weekend, or the ridiculously attractive person flirting with him at whatever bar he was at that night. 

But his lack of knowledge on the subject became a problem for him. Not that he knew that, of course. He began to notice this...this weird feeling, that seemed to happen all of a sudden, though he noted it was only when Howard was around. He'd stare into Howard's eyes for a moment too long and suddenly his hands would be unsteady, his heart rate would be 90 miles an hour and his heart felt... something. An unfamiliar something that wasn't exactly pain but didn't exactly feel good for him either  
He spent weeks trying to figure out what was wrong with him. These bursts of random nervousness and shakiness were getting extremely inconvenient for him. He didn't understand, and he didn't understand why they only appeared when Howard was around. He swore his body was out to embarrass him, getting so shy in front of a friend. 

So he asked Naboo. Naboo would know what was wrong. Shamans were at least somewhat qualified doctors, right? Vince didn't ponder the legitimacy of Naboo's medical knowledge for very long before entering Naboo's room. He knocked and opened the door slowly. Naboo didn't look up, he was reading a book and listening to Fleetwood Mac, entirely in his own world. "Oi! Naboo!" Vince said, somehow whispering loudly. Naboo looked up and moved the headphones from his ears to around his neck. "Yeah? What is it?" Naboo asked. Vince froze for a minute, realizing he hadn't actually planned what to say next. It took a couple of moments for Naboo to break the silence with, "Are you having a stroke?" Vince blinked and shook his head. "Listen, Naboo, I have this...problem, and-" "You're not another one of my spellbooks, Vince. I don't care who's in the livingroom." Naboo cut him off sternly. "What? No, listen Naboo, it's serious." Naboo simply stared up at him from his bed. "Right, get on with it then." He sighed and shifted over, inviting Vince to sit down. Vince began, "Right, I've been feeling weird, recently. Like, really weird. Just out of nowhere sometimes, I'll be making tea for me and Howard or whatever, and I'll start getting all...weird? My legs go all funny, and I get this weird pain in my chest, and I get all sweaty... I don't know what's going on Naboo, I thought you might help." 

There was a silence for a moment. "Are you going through menopause?" Naboo said matter-of-factly. "Fat lot of good you are! Never mind it, anyways." Vince snapped, standing up very suddenly. "I'm only joking Vince! Sit back down you muppet." Naboo said. Vince sighed and sat back down on the bed. "Do you know what's wrong with me?" Vince said after a moment. Naboo softened, understanding that Vince was serious. "Right, I'll have a look for a book or something. There's bound to be one around here." Naboo picked a book off the ground. The cover said "Medical Training for Dummies", though the word dummies had been tippexed out and replaced with "Shamans". "Right, this ones perfect. Its probably just a cold or something anyway. What d'you say was wrong again?" Vince relisted his symptoms while Naboo flicked the pages in the book. "Found it!" He announced proudly. 

"Well? What is it?" Vince asked, a sense of urgency in his voice. Naboo read on and gasped. "Vince...you're dying." Naboo said. "Oh, fuck off Naboo! I'm being serious!" "So am I! Vince, you're dying." Vince looked down at the ground for a minute before simply uttering, "Shit." "Yeah, sorry about it." Naboo said quite calmly. "I'm fucking dying! What am I gonna do, Naboo?" Vince said. Naboo took a drag of the spliff he'd laid on his bedside locker. "You could have a party? Like, a send-off one?" Naboo suggested. "How long have I got left?" Vince asked. Naboo flicked the book open again. "'Bout a week." He shut the book and threw it onto the floor again. "How am I gonna tell Howard?" "Don't you worry Vince, I got just the thing." Naboo smiled. He rooted around in the drawers in his bedside locker until he pulled out a card. It was a white card, the words "Happy Birthday!" had been scribbled out and replaced with a messily written "I'm dying!" in sharpie. "Got it in Sainsbury's, 50p. Been saving it, just in case." Vince didn't ponder the implications of the just in case. He just stared at the card. "Cheers, Naboo." He said, leaving the room. 

Vince sat at the kitchen table and began composing a list of everyone he wanted at his farewell party, that is to say, the majority of Camden. He didn't know what he expected dying to feel like, but right now it just felt disappointing. That's when Howard sauntered into the kitchen. "Morning, Vince!" He smiled. "Howard, its, um, 3 o'clock in the day." Vince responded. Oh god, it was happening again. "I suppose so. What're you writing?" Howard asked. "I'm inviting people to my farewell party." Vince said quite matter-of-factly. He was getting used to this whole dying business. "What? Where are you going? What farewell party?" Howard asked in rapid succession. "I'm dying, Howard." Vince said calmly. Howard chuckled. "I'm sure you are Vince. But where are you actually going?" 

"I'm being serious, Howard! I'm dying! Naboo said so!" Vince yelled. "Vince, Naboo is an idiot. Was he stoned?" Howard responded. Vince looked at the floor for a moment. "Only a bit, but the point still stands Howard, I'm dying!" Vince said stubbornly. "Right, why do you think you're dying?" Howard asked, trying to de-escalate the situation. "All of a sudden, right, out of nowhere my legs will go all funny and my hands will go shaky, and there's this like, aching in my chest. Naboo says its fatal, Howard!" Vince explained at tremendous speed. Howard raised an eyebrow. "And you get this funny feeling in your stomach?" Vince nodded. "You go all red and shy, for no reason?" Vince nodded again. "Around a specific person?" 

When Howard asked this, Vince froze for a moment. "... Maybe?" He said. He couldn't think of a single time it had happened when Howard wasn't around. "Vince, you've got a crush. You're not dying, have you never had a crush before?" The mere suggestion of that made Vince angry. "I don't get crushes, Howard! You know that!" Vince yelled, his voice going shrill as if it was of upmost offence. "Vince, whoever you have feelings for, I'm sure they like you back! I mean, who doesn't, right?" Howard tried to be comforting. Comforting wasn't his strong suit, but it was clear he was trying. Vince was silent for a while. Howard made tea for them both, it was obvious Vince was quite upset. Howard sat opposite him at the kitchen table.

"Howard..." Vince broke the silence after a while. Howard hummed a response. "What if the person...what if they don't...feel the same?" Vince murmured, only slightly above a whisper. He had half hoped Howard didn't hear him at all. Vince had spent the last silent 10 minutes staring at his tea and piecing things together, slowly realizing that Howard was right. "You don't know that, Vince. And even if you ask, and they say no, you just have to get over it. It'll sting for a while but you'll find someone." Howard said, barely looking up from The Global Explorer. Vince stared at his mug of tea. "Howard, I think it's you that I like." Vince mumbled barely audibly. "Hm?" Howard looked up at Vince, unsure if he heard him correctly. Vince met his gaze. "I like you, Howard. I have for a while." Howard turned a bright shade of red. "I- Vince i- I um..." Howard started spluttering, unable to form a coherent sentence. He had never been asked out before. Certainly not by someone like Vince. "See? I knew you didn't like me back. I'm sorry, Howard." Vince said, a tinge of disappointment in his voice. "I didn't say that, Vince." Howard said sternly. Vince stared into Howard's eyes from across the table, his heart was beating out of his chest. "Vince, i..." Howard began, taking a deep breath. "I like you too. I've liked you for a long time, honestly." Howard smiled. The tension in Vince's shoulders dropped as his face melted into a smile. "Really?" Vince asked, his smile making his eyes light up. "Really, Vince." "Howard, can- can I kiss you?" Vince asked nervously. Howard shifted his chair next to Vince, and collided their lips together. It was the happiest either had been in a while.

Naboo walked out of his room holding the book. "Vince! I was on the wrong page, you aren't dying, it's just-" Naboo cut himself off, seeing Howard and Vince kissing at the kitchen table. That sorted itself out, then.


End file.
